mAgNoLia 2

Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Monday, June 24, 2013

a Path, a Purpose

Photography by Nancy Falso
Hi everyone. Sorry it has been so long since I’ve written anything here, but that is likely going to be changing. This month I decided to take a writing sabbatical to try to make some significant progress on my novel and also an opportunity to make some real changes in my life and especially my health. I’m more than half way through this journey and it has lead me to some interesting places. The other day Jonathan Gunson posted to the Writer Unboxed group on Facebook the question of; “Are we writing for ourselves, or to be heard? A lot of us found this really thought provoking.

I write because I must. If I don't it will grab hold of me, wake me up in the middle of the night, and torment me until I give in and write it down. It’s been like this since I was a kid. For me the experience is like trying to hold back a river. For however long it chooses I am the path it flows through until it is done, and leaves me on some other shore - sometimes like a fallen, floating flower blown loose from some distant tree. At other times it leaves me shambled, bruised, and battered mess like earlier this week when I was writing about the death of my main character’s father. I slept over 10 hours that day. Living in the emotional state of one’s characters in an effort to be authentic and be a bumpy ride. I must confess though, for it is in its shimmering brightness that I find myself and allow myself to be seen by others. Still it leaves me wondering, how much of these stories are mine, and how much belongs to something unseen - something greater than myself? I find myself contemplating; how much does the land shape the water, and how much does the water shape the land? 

Lastly I want to leave you with this . . . Don't put your purpose and your passion in someone else's hands; it is your responsibility, and no one else will care about it as much as you. If you want to move forward then it is going to have to become a “Must!” for you. Stand up for your own intuition, because you know you, and do you better than anyone else. You are the person you have been waiting for.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Moving Forward



This was recently posted on the Dalai Lama’s Facebook page; “Although we are all the same in not wanting problems and wanting a peaceful life, we tend to create a lot of problems for ourselves. Encountering those problems, anger develops and overwhelms our mind, which leads to violence. A good way to counter this and to work for a more peaceful world is to develop concern for others. Then our anger, jealousy and other destructive emotions will naturally weaken and diminish.”

A gentleman by the name of Wong Wee Kiong responded, “It is ideal to have mutual concerns. But we are entering a cold period with less influences from religions, it is a very hard time ahead....

We are simply entering a time of change and we can either embrace it as an opportunity to release that, which is destructive and holds us back from being our best or we can hold on and resist change; continuing in our struggles and suffering. Life is what we make of it. To make room for the new we must grow and release the old that no longer serves our well-being.
Joy and peace are much desired qualities, but too often people look for these outside of themselves in other people and/or things and when they feel they are let down we blame others outside of ourselves. The truth is that our peace of mind and happiness dwell within us and are not dependant upon what is happening outside of ourselves. I know that this can be quiet a challenge, it means setting our egos aside. It’s all well and good to say just set your ego aside but how do we accomplish this? One way is to recognize that we are all profoundly connected, accept that the other person(s) is doing the best that they can at any given moment – even if it doesn’t seem that way to you. Other things are to look for common ground even if it means looking at your common flaws (which are just obstacles yet to be overcome). Even in being connected (spiritually and scientifically) we are still uniquely responsible for our own feelings, thoughts and actions. For instance there is a person you love who can’t love you back or not in the way you would like, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve that love, just that perhaps that person isn’t the one capable of giving you what you want and deserve. Accept that our perception, though hopefully continuing to grow and evolve, is limited and different than others, even those close to us and sometimes especially those that are closest to us. Another big way to release ego is simply to recognize it. Well, how the heck do I do that? Whenever you feel hurt by someone’s words or actions that’s ego – you are looking outside of yourself for love, validation, happiness, etc. When you are falling in love with another person those feelings are still generated within you, just like anger, but anger is different. If you really remove yourself from your anger (don’t think about it or engage it in anyway) for a minute and a half, it will pass. That passing will give you the opportunity to chose a different perspective. That person who cut you off on the road didn’t do something to ‘you’; you were probably the last thing on their mind. Perhaps they are distracted because they just lost their child/parent/spouse, or they are in the middle of a divorce, just had a baby or lost their job/home. We may not be able to understand exactly how another person feels in a given situation, but we do understand things like stress/sorrow/suffering to some degree or another and this brings us to one more BIG way to let go of ego – compassion. Even the simple act of recognizing ego diminishes it. Releasing ego is the key to the doorway of freedom. If you believe that your joy lies outside of yourself you give up your power because then another can hold that and lord it over you. We may not always like everything that is happening in our lives, especially during challenging times, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up our peace of mind in the midst of our learning, growing and moving toward better things.  Even the seemingly worst things can turn out for the best.
The Chinese have long sought to crush Tibet and the Tibetan spiritual path, yet their efforts have accomplished something amazing that would have otherwise never have happened, they have given the WORLD the Dalai Lama and his teachings.
Perspective is everything, stretch yourself and look for the bigger picture.
I have been struggling these last few weeks with my ego and grief over a relationship that will never be what I want.

I know it can be difficult to let go; sometimes people aren’t capable of giving us what we desire, it doesn’t mean we don’t love or have compassion for them, but like I said before, sometimes we have to let go of people or things that are destructive, no longer serves us and holds us back from being the best that we can be. In letting go of the ego we let go of fear make room for love and move forward to healthier relationships and lives free of guilt and blame.  

Thursday, October 13, 2011

My BIGGEST Lie

My BIGGEST lie is that . . .
I am not good enough, I can’t let people see the real me, it isn’t safe and I’m not enough.

I think the most courageous thing, for me, that I’ve done in a LONG time, is letting people see the authentic me; and the response has been phenomenal and nothing I would have ever imagined. I am HAPPY and other people can see it; I don’t mean I am happy about something, I’m just happy. I’m sitting here typing this and my neck and shoulder is in so much pain, my house is getting better but parts of it are still really a disaster, but damn it I’m just so happy inside myself and it’s AWESOME!

I love life! I’m not sure I’ve ever said that I just said it out loud. I use to think I was broken beyond repair. I was a person I couldn’t say, “Today is a good day to die” because I’d be like ok, bring it on, sounds good to me. I had to say to myself if I could manage it that, “Today is a good day to live.” Wow talk about faking it, can you just hear that meek, half hearted, yeah sure whatever voice saying that garbage? But, it isn’t garbage anymore.

Wow, I really want to just sit down and write out my story for you and tell you about this amazing journey I’ve been on but then there is reality that, I’m not going to do that tonight. I need to be able to wake up early so I can go see my wonderful chiropractor who I think is going to be really shocked when he sees me because I have grown and changed so much since the last time I saw him, I need to do this because this is part of taking care of me and that is my new and REALLY big MO. 

Hey, just this last thing . . . The more authentic I am, the more I take care of me the more I give that gift to others – for them to be authentically themselves, to encourage, value and cheer the heck on others taking care of and doing right by themselves. So my amazing peeps ROCK ON! And well for those of you that maybe don’t know me yet, well you are reading this and there will be more, OH so much more. Feel free to leave a comment, share; I’d love to hear from you. BIG LOVE! <3 

Monday, October 3, 2011

Being Seen Part I

Hey Everyone,
Sorry for having missed last week. I’ve had some health issues and then there was a kitten that I rescued over twenty years ago when she was a 10 week old furball that had to be put down – she’s stopped eating anything and was having other troubles. It was a pretty challenging week last week and Sunday just blew past me. This last Sunday about 10hours of my day was spent on the road so not very conducive to blogging; thus I am a day late, but at least not a dollar short.
For the last 10+ months I have been working on myself and my life, more focused than just the day to day trying to be open to learning and moving forward etcetera but really making change in my life. I got started by doing one very hard thing (at least for most of us); I asked for help. I’m a very strong person, but I’d hit bottom and I didn’t understand quiet how I managed to get there. This wasn’t what I wanted, but here I was so I knew I needed help to understand things so I could make some real changes in my life.

Well, today I finally watched this video about the power of vulnerability: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o Go ahead and check it out; it’s only 20 minutes out of a 1,440 minutes of your day. I’ll still be here when you get back.

It took my breath, it made me laugh, it brought tears to my eyes . . . it has through out my day provoked so much thought, and truly amazing ideas. What would happen if I started sharing how messed up I am, what I’m afraid of, how I’m so afraid of not doing or being enough? What if I really accepted that not only am I enough, but I keep getting better all the time. If I tell people the things I think are wrong with me they might agree with me – maybe they would help me, maybe they would empathize with me, maybe they would laugh and I could laugh with them and then I wouldn’t have to carry the burden anymore and then I wouldn’t have to be afraid. If that isn’t power I don’t know what is, not to mention the tremendous freedom that doing this would bring. Let yourself contemplate it; it’s pretty amazing.

For so long we have been taught not to feel, to fear our feelings and push them away, but I'm learning that is one of the biggest lies and the worst possible things we could ever do to harm ourselves. Feelings are one of the most amazing tool kits ever and I can’t help but wonder why no one ever explained it like this to me – so, here I am writing this out for you. Pay attention to your feelings. Remember having courage doesn’t mean you aren’t afraid, it means you don’t let it stop you from doing what needs to be done. People keep saying things need to change and I say yes and in addition I would say the first place you should start is with you. If one tiny atom can make a difference in the world, imagine what a difference a conglomeration of billions of focused atoms can do; you are a living force/energy that holds together literally billions if not trillions or more atoms, you are the stuff of stars – be good to yourself. Nurture, forgive, accept, love unconditionally and have amazing tremendous compassion for you and you will inherit, you will evolve to share with the world the amazing, utterly brilliant and wondrous gift that is you in all it’s glory and you will shine like the stars. Don’t believe me, well that’s ok cause I can see it in you and you are my mirror.