The Value of the Destructive

Set clear boundaries. If something is making you feel uncomfortable, it's probably pushing your boundaries. Sometimes it's a good thing, such as when circumstances, or people, are challenging us to move beyond our current perceptions, and step outside of our comfort zone. Often, it's people being disrespectful. Still it's all boils down to ego. 

Have you heard of a book called, "The 4 Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz? I definitely recommend it. One of the agreements is; Don't take anything personal. One way I've learned to do that, is by learning about ego, and how to recognize it. The best way to recognize ego is to learn about your own, and how to perceive when it's being triggered. The advantage is the more you can recognize your own ego, the easier it is to realize when other's egos are being triggered. This recognition creates the opportunity for emotional detachment, because you realize that what is happening has nothing to do with you, and thus you don't take it personal. 

There is a distinct difference in removing people from our lives who are destructive and always trying to tear us down, and people who challenge us. If we end up in rooms with everyone who is just like us, that would not only be immensely boring, but very destructive for our personal growth. Peace doesn't mean that everything around us is calm and in perfect flow. Peace is when we are inwardly grounded and not easily swayed or distracted. So, view those "fugnazis” as a gift - an opportunity for you to become so grounded, self-valued, and confident that even when you get knocked down, you have the resilience to get back up. 

Anyone can have a bad day, and in a moment create a terrible first impression. We never know the battles that others are facing. A raw diamond is a rather rough, and unattractive rock. It takes a lot of sharp cuts, and filing for a diamond to become a refined, brilliant, shining stone. Human being are a lot like diamonds in that respect.

The Message is Simple

   Regarding all the negativity concerning the weddings held at the Grammy’s Such behavior is certainly not a Christian act as Jesus was a living example of love one another, and don't judge (ego) lest you be judged. If you are pointing the finger, you are looking in a mirror. If you want to go Old Testament then the 10 Commandments said to Love your neighbor as yourself - there was no preamble, no "but only if they look like you, think like you, believe like you  . . ." The message is simple and profound – Love one another. 

   People deserve the right to love whom they choose to love. No, an adult having lustful, sexual feelings toward children, or animals is not love. Love is caring, nurturing, protective, not psychologically and physiologically destructive to one another, so don’t attempt to throw that foul ball here. To suggest that is as if equating rape to love and it isn’t; rape is about power, an ego trip of horrific proportion.

   If all the extreme right wing people were really smart, instead of fighting so hard against gay people wanting to get married they would have moved heaven and earth to make sure that gay couples could have the right to have their loved ones covered by their insurance, to have access to their loved one when they are admitted to the ER and/or ICU, to be able to pay their taxes together with the same benefits, to basically have all the rights, and privileges that married couples enjoy. Just because they want to be together, and have these, and other rights, and privileges doesn’t mean they are forming an attack on you, or your beliefs. It does mean they believe differently than you, and that is their right under the law – freedom of religion. 

   When you point your finger at the gay community, condemn them, and say they are attacking my values; that is exactly what you are doing, and more. You are attacking their values, their rights, and freedom to believe as they choose, and you are oppressing them with “your religious beliefs”. For those of you who may not realize this, that is called religious oppression.

   All that being said here is my message to “gay groups” and other “groups”.  When I see advertisements like, “Are you ready for a gay social network?” My first response to this and all others like it is, “No.” Not anymore than I’m ready for a heterosexual only social network. Don’t call it a gay wedding; it’s a wedding – two (hopefully) loving, consenting, adults getting married. I didn’t call my wedding, my heterosexual wedding. Jeeze, isn’t that a mouthful. Okay, now I’m sure some of you are upset, but before you get your tail feathers in too much of a ruffle, let me explain something that you may not have considered. When you create things like the 'Gay Social Network' it conveys things like – separate, different, exclusive as oppose to inclusive, etcetera. These are all things that you are fighting against; being considered separate, and different from the rest of society, and not worthy of the same equal rights, of being excluded because of a label, and not as who you are; a fellow human being who just wants to love and be loved. If we want unity then we need to start working in that direction.

   NO! Please God do NOT think I’m saying we need to get rid of individualism. How about instead of all these different cultural days we have a, “Celebrate and share your culture week?” or “Celebrate the best of humanity week?” or “Celebrate your freedom week” or here’s a great one, “Celebrate love and kindness week”. When we separate ourselves we are falling under the illusion of Ego, which is fear based. When we separate ourselves from others and deny our connection to all (and I mean the frickin’ planet, plants, animals, people, the land itself) that is when we are truly acting in an ‘Unnatural’ manner because, like it or not, when it comes to physics we are ALL connected on an atomic level – everything pulls on everything else, just a bunch of protons, neutrons, electrons, etc. So, for all your uniqueness, whether you believed that God(s) made the universe, or nature/science did, your atoms are still no better than mine, and as a ‘matter’ of fact, like it, or not, we are connected so why don’t we try, and start acting like it.

Heart Broken Open

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

Love may not be all you need, but if you have everything you need and you don't have love, you don't have much.

I don’t know about you, but this last month has been a big time for skkome pretty deep reflections. A time for old wounds for the past that were never fully understood, that never really healed, but were just crammed down deep; time to be broken open, broken down, moved out and healed. It’s been really painful and challenging, but the healing has been a gift. I am still struggling with understanding why for me, and I’m guessing I’m not alone in this; it has been easier to forgive others – sometimes terrible abuses, than it has been to forgive myself. To forgive myself for living someone else’s idea of who I am, of living trying to make someone else happy hoping that if I tried hard enough, if I was good enough, they would love me, and that I would matter. I’m learning to forgive myself for living a lie, for being so afraid, for not believing I was good enough, but then again who was there as a child to tell me that I was good enough? Forgiving myself for not asking what I wanted, because I didn’t know that it was even okay for me to ask, much less believe that it could ever be possible for me to want something, and actually have it, at least not without there being a heavy price to pay. I have held myself to impossible standards, but settled for less than I wanted, less than I deserved. I have stayed in relationships believing if I just gave enough, loved enough, did enough, that the other person would see my value, would love me, but it was like a sun falling into a black hole and all that came of it was whole lot of pain, suffering, betrayal, and some really hard lessons. I have learned that comparing myself to others is toxic, and that in judging others, I leave myself open to be judged. It’s going to take me some time to get this down because I’ve been comparing and judging for such a long time, but seeing a problem is the first step to reaching a solution. I will never be the daughter my parents think I should be, and my parents will never be the parents I wished they would be - that is just the reality of things. I don’t know why my dad can’t say that he is proud of me, or why he has never been able to say he is sorry for anything to me, maybe he just doesn’t know how, I don’t know, but what I do know that it does not mean I am unworthy, or not good enough – that is a lie in who’s shadow I have lived within for far to long. I also wondered why I felt compelled to be “the strong one”, why I had to work so hard to be get everything just so, to not open my mouth unless I had a good grasp of the “facts”, to be almost fanatically through so that I could explain every little detail of any decision thinking that maybe, just maybe if I covered all the bases I would be okay, I would be safe, and if I was really lucky admired or better still appreciated. Right now I know that I matter. I am hard at work letting go of all the garbage I have been carrying with me for so long and learning to live my truth, and it is a painful process – both physically and emotionally, but I cannot complain because it is leading me step by step to my best life ever. It was just last year that I finally realized that I was not irreparably broken, and this year that I am realizing why I even believed that in the first place. It is now that I can tell myself that I deserve to be happy. I’ve got that part in my head and little by little it is breaking through, and seeping into my heart. Gradually I am starting to allow myself to dare to dream of what I want, and learning that I can accomplish it with hard work yes, but not with the necessity of terrible suffering.

I’m writing this on my computer and I’m wondering how many others out there have felt the way I’ve felt; if you have, you are not alone, and a better future is possible, but it has to start with you making the choice. I think a big part of it for me was deciding that there was nothing I wouldn’t let go of if it stood between me, and being happy. In making the choice so much, not all at once, has come to the surface; each step brings me closer to the life I deserve, each clearing out (breaking open, being in the truth, forgiveness of myself and others, letting go of the idea that things could have been any different than they were, and ultimately healing) make more room for more joy, love, and happiness.

What are you focusing on? Is it what you want or what you want to avoid? Are you living in joy and inspiration, or fear and avoidance?  My goal is to live more present in the moment so that I can develop a greater awareness of what I put out into the world because strength comes from practice, and I know that what I focus on, what I put out into the world (my thoughts, feelings, and actions), is what is going to come back to me, and I’m ready for something amazing. What about you?

a Path, a Purpose

Photography by Nancy Falso

Hi everyone. Sorry it has been so long since I’ve written anything here, but that is likely going to be changing. This month I decided to take a writing sabbatical to try to make some significant progress on my novel and also an opportunity to make some real changes in my life and especially my health. I’m more than half way through this journey and it has lead me to some interesting places. The other day Jonathan Gunson posted to the Writer Unboxed group on Facebook the question of; “Are we writing for ourselves, or to be heard? A lot of us found this really thought provoking.

I write because I must. If I don't it will grab hold of me, wake me up in the middle of the night, and torment me until I give in and write it down. It’s been like this since I was a kid. For me the experience is like trying to hold back a river. For however long it chooses I am the path it flows through until it is done, and leaves me on some other shore - sometimes like a fallen, floating flower blown loose from some distant tree. At other times it leaves me shambled, bruised, and battered mess like earlier this week when I was writing about the death of my main character’s father. I slept over 10 hours that day. Living in the emotional state of one’s characters in an effort to be authentic and be a bumpy ride. I must confess though, for it is in its shimmering brightness that I find myself and allow myself to be seen by others. Still it leaves me wondering, how much of these stories are mine, and how much belongs to something unseen - something greater than myself? I find myself contemplating; how much does the land shape the water, and how much does the water shape the land? 

Lastly I want to leave you with this . . . Don't put your purpose and your passion in someone else's hands; it is your responsibility, and no one else will care about it as much as you. If you want to move forward then it is going to have to become a “Must!” for you. Stand up for your own intuition, because you know you, and do you better than anyone else. You are the person you have been waiting for.

Imaginary Location-Location

All Things Sonya:

Well it’s that time again, time for another muse to tickle your creative fancy. I sit here drinking a bit of tea and eating an imaginary sheep. Hee-hee I bet you weren’t expecting that. Actually it’s a sugar cookie but it, at one time, looked like what a local baker imagined a sheep to look like. Einstein, one of the most brilliant minds of our time said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Why would such a brilliant man say such a thing? Well, for a number of reasons I suppose: Knowledge can be taught, but imagination can only be fostered and imagination is what lets us learn beyond what we already know. Imagination is what asks the question, “What if . . .?” Imagination is a VERY dynamic tool and the source of something VERY powerful – creative innovation. We are loosing our creative innovation: children don’t “play” they are scheduled, they don’t draw – they color, they don’t run around an make up games and build imaginary forts – they play scheduled sports that they are taught or sit at a computer or TV and play video games. Arts and music, some of the best ways of teaching children how to think outside the box, to be independent through constructive ways of self expression, to build confidence in their accomplishment, to teach vision, to learn that there is more than one way to successfully realize a goal, etcetera are being lost - stripped away in the name of budget. What a steep price to pay and so many don’t even realize yet what in the long run it will cost them and in such devastating ways. So, what does all this soap boxing have to do with the challenge, the weekly muse? The point is to let your inner child come out and play. Time to reawaken your imagination from its slumber and get to work. This week paint, photograph, draw, collage, sculpt, whatever you like – an imaginary place. Let yourself daydream. ANY PLACE. An imaginary island on an imaginary planet, a home among the clouds, or a tree house in a purple tree that has orange leaves, anything that tickles your fancy. Have fun and let your innovation dance. As ever, I look forward to seeing your creations.

'via Blog this'